The Trophy Trap by Emma Laybourn

The panel of experts are revolting! They want to know why adults have all the money and children have none. And why is school free, when chocolate costs money? There's something very wrong going on with the world. Maybe even a conspiracy. So, in protest at the unfairness of life, the panel of experts have decided to review a free book, The Trophy Trap by Emma Laybourn. If only all books were free...

  

 https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/178968

Mad Scientist: Unlike some of the other rubbish I have been forced to review, that was totally unsuitable for someone of my intellectual ability, I actually enjoyed this ebook. I give it 3 stars. In particular I liked:

-that it was an actual story

-that it had realistic characters

-that it was short( J K Rowling is allowed to write novels of 500 pages plus, no one else is)

-that it gave me good ideas for experiments, such as pouring plaster of paris into football boots (ha ha striker)

Striker: (striking Mad Scientist) Or pouring plaster of paris into your test tubes.

Party Rocker: Or pouring plaster of paris onto your testi...

Mad Scientist: (interrupting) Why you little...

(Party Rocker runs off, chased by Mad Scientist.)

Striker: At first I liked it because it had a trophy on the front cover. I like trophies. Then I liked it because it was about a brother and sister who were always arguing and fighting. I like arguing and fighting. Then I liked it because there was a little bit about football. I love football. And finally I liked it because there was a bit of a surprise at the end. I like surprises. So I give it 3 stars. But not because Mad Scientist did. I would never do that.

Party Rocker: (running past)...or pouring plaster of paris into your sandwiches...

Mad Scientist: (also running past)...or putting your annoying sibling into a box... whoops, wrong book, wrong book review! Never mind, I'm gonna give it a go anyway.

Flower Power: When are we going to review Sleeping Beauty?

Striker: Never.

Flower Power: Then I'm going to sleep. Wake me up when my prince gets here.

So, Trophy Trap scores a respectable 3 stars! It might have scored even more if Party Rocker had managed to stop insulting the other experts and actually vote.

Party Rocker:(running past)  4 Stars. Party on!!!
So, Trophy Trap scores a champion 3 1/2 stars. It might have scored even more if Flower Power had managed to actually vote.
Flower Power: Snore.

Billionaire Boy by David Walliams

It's time for the panel of experts to do something useful (for once in their lives). The latest contestant in this tense competition where books are pitted against other books, and experts against other experts, is the hilarious Billionaire Boy by David Walliams. Joe Spud, the hero, is overweight and over rich. He has everything money can buy, except a friend. He decides to quit his posh expensive school and try his luck making friends at the local comprehensive school, where he pretends to be a 'normal' boy.

 

Mad Scientist: I give it 3 stars because it was good right up to the point when I stopped reading it. Then it stopped being good because I had stopped reading it.
Party Rocker: And it started being hilariously good, because I was reading it and I'm better than you.
Mad Scientist: That is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said. I bet you can't think of one thing you're better at than me!
Party Rocker: I'm better at annoying you.
Mad Scientist: That is the most sensible thing you have ever said.
Party Rocker: And swearing. You lingpoopy, dangly spangly, ploomfizzy huppletrut.
Mad Scientist: If you say another word...
Party Rocket: Puttock knunter, humbimer, and poob!
Mad Scientist: (running after Party Rocker) Why you little... 
Party Rocker: (running away from Mad Scientist) Blunkering smunghead...
Striker: Those are all swear words that David Walliams teaches us in Billionaire Boy. He kindly makes a list of all the swear words he knows so he can share them. I liked that. I also liked the list of ridiculously posh subjects Joe studied at his ridiculously posh school, the list of all the things Joe and his Dad did with £50 notes, and the list of names teachers should never have, such as Mya Bumreeks. But even better than all the lists, I liked imagining what it would be like to have a billion pounds and to have my very own football club.
So I give it 5 stars.
Flower Power: Me too! 5 stars.
Striker: You can't just give it 5 stars because I did. You need a reason.
Flower Power: I have a reason.
Striker: What reason?
Flower Power: I give it 5 stars because I like stars. Especially shiny, sparkly ones.
Party Rocker: (from the distance) Me too. 5 twuttering stars! This book was pumpuming hool!

This review is an all round success story. Billionaire Boy scores a smunty 5 stars. Mad Scientist keeps fit. So does Party Rocker. Flower Power learns some new words and Striker gets some ideas for his Christmas wish list. Everyone's happy!