Mr Gum in 'The Hound of Lamonic Bibber' by Andy Stanton

The experts at Booksfc have been very, incredibly, unbelievably, jaw droppingly, mind bogglingly busy... watching TV. It takes a lot of effort, dedication and hard work watching the Olympics, 12 hours a day, for 2 weeks solid. But the good news is all that effort has been rewarded. The batteries in the remote control have finally gone flat. That must deserve a medal. One of those shiny gold ones, I think.

It needed to be a very special book to make the experts at Booksfc forget about the Olympics. Not many books were brave enough to take the challenge. But I managed to find a contender. Mr Gum in 'The Hound of Lamonic Bibber' was brave enough and definitely crazy enough.

The Mr Gum books, for those of you who have been visiting Mars, follow the adventures of Mr Gum, a vile villain, who lives in the slightly picturesque, and very bonkers town of Lamonic Bibber. In Mr Gum in 'The Hound of Lamonic Bibber', a ferocious hound is terrorising the good folk of Lamonic Bibber, and it's up to Polly, the heroine, and the only sane voice in the whole book, to find out the truth about the mysterious hound.

Mad Scientist: 5 stars! There was a real plot in this book, with a real mystery, and real clues. What I particularly liked was that the ridiculously funny jokes served as camouflage for the clues. Clever! Like me!

Party Rocker: Also 5 stars! What I particularly liked was the extra story about how Mr Gum and Billy William the third became friends, and the very best bit was when they were talking to Ned Needles, the travelling pillow salesman, and his horse, Handsome, and Billy William 'was pulling Handsome's tail to see if it would make him lay an egg or do a fart or something'. Rude! Like me!

Mad Scientist: 5x5 stars! If there was a Olympic medal for funniness, Andy Stanton would win it. He's hilarious. Mr Gum in 'The Hound of Lamonic Bibber' is hilarious. All the Mr Gum books are hilarious. I should know. I've read them all, reread them all, reviewed them all, and rewired them too. Clever, eh? Bet you didn't even know it was possible to rewire a book. Hey! (jumping round to face Party Rocker) What are you doing?

Party Rocker: (pulling Mad Scientists trousers down) Trying to see if I can make you lay an egg or do a fart or something.

Mad Scientist: (chasing after Party Rocker) Why you little borkler...

Party Rocker: (running away) Did you know you look like a lemon meringue?

Striker: I liked it too. But I'm only going to give it 4 stars because I was a bit worried the hound was going to eat Polly, or Friday, or me. Hey! (jumping round to face Party Rocker) What are you doing?

Party Rocker: (pulling striker's trousers down) Trying to see if I can make you look very silly.

Striker: (chasing after Party Rocker and brandishing his fists) Now I'm going to have to hit you.

Flower Power: Why doesn't anyone ever ask me what I think?

Mad Scientist: Alright then, we will. What did you think of 'The Hound of Lamonic Bibber?

Flower Power: I loved it. 5 stars.

Mad Scientist: Did you actually read it?

Flower Power: No.

Time to end this book review while the experts still have a scrap of dignity left. Mr Gum in the Hound of Lamonic Bibber scores a face smashing, whiskers shabbering, Jonathon Ripples Rippling 5 stars. Way to go, Gum!

Genie in Training by Ciaran Murtagh

Every now and again a book comes along which reminds you strongly of another book! That's OK. It's called borrowing ideas. Everyone does it. The experts at Booksfc do it all the time. Especially during spelling tests.
This time the book that happened to come along was Genie in Training by Ciaran Murtagh. It's about a boy who meets a genie, the boy accidentally wishes to become a genie, and then is whisked off to Genie School to become a genie.

 

Mad Scientist: First of all I want to give this book 3 stars. Just like Harry Potter, Jamie is sent to a magical school where he has two firm friends, and one determined enemy. Just like Harry Potter, there is a benign, wise and powerful headmaster. Just like Harry Potter, Jamie learns to fly, but using a flying carpet not a broomstick. And just like Harry Potter, there are a variety of lessons, and a magic mirror. There was one big difference. Harry Potter is the best series of books I have ever read. This book is good, but not in the same league as Harry Potter. Secondly, and more importantly, I have been falsely accused. I have never cheated in a spelling test in my life! I don't need to. I have a photographic memory. I only need to look at something once to remember it forever.
Party Rocker: Then you'd better not go near a mirror or you'll have nightmares for the rest of your life!
Mad Scientist: (beginning to get annoyed) Again, I have been falsely accused. I have conducted a scientific experiment to check whether I am good looking or not, and the results came back...affirmative. Everyone surveyed said they liked my appearance.
Party Rocker: Aaaahh!
Striker: What's wrong?
Party Rocker: Mad Scientist just looked at me.
Mad Scientist (beginning to get seriously annoyed): I'll do more that just look at you, you little...
Party Rocker (running away): Aaaahh!
Striker: Well I thought it was really good. I really liked the bowl of never ending ice cream. I really liked all the genies who where nice to Jamie and I really didn't like the nasty genie, Dabir, who I wanted to strike. At first I was a little worried when Jamie got stuck in the Genie's World, Lampville-upon-Cloud, but then I stopped being worried and just enjoyed the story. I give it 5 stars.
Party Rocker (running past again): 4 stars.
Flower Power: Are we playing chase? Can I play?
Mad Scientist (still chasing Party Rocker): No. We're doing a book review.
Flower Power (now chasing Mad Scientist): I'm not stupid. I know you're lying.
Mad Scientist (slowing down): Aaaahh! Falsely accused again!
Flower Power (catching Mad Scientist) Got you!

So, Genie in Training scores a magical 4 stars. It might have scored more, if it had been better, and it might have scored less, if it had been worse. Can't say fairer than that, can you?

Someone (somewhere in the distance): Aaaahh!

The Trophy Trap by Emma Laybourn

The panel of experts are revolting! They want to know why adults have all the money and children have none. And why is school free, when chocolate costs money? There's something very wrong going on with the world. Maybe even a conspiracy. So, in protest at the unfairness of life, the panel of experts have decided to review a free book, The Trophy Trap by Emma Laybourn. If only all books were free...

  

 https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/178968

Mad Scientist: Unlike some of the other rubbish I have been forced to review, that was totally unsuitable for someone of my intellectual ability, I actually enjoyed this ebook. I give it 3 stars. In particular I liked:

-that it was an actual story

-that it had realistic characters

-that it was short( J K Rowling is allowed to write novels of 500 pages plus, no one else is)

-that it gave me good ideas for experiments, such as pouring plaster of paris into football boots (ha ha striker)

Striker: (striking Mad Scientist) Or pouring plaster of paris into your test tubes.

Party Rocker: Or pouring plaster of paris onto your testi...

Mad Scientist: (interrupting) Why you little...

(Party Rocker runs off, chased by Mad Scientist.)

Striker: At first I liked it because it had a trophy on the front cover. I like trophies. Then I liked it because it was about a brother and sister who were always arguing and fighting. I like arguing and fighting. Then I liked it because there was a little bit about football. I love football. And finally I liked it because there was a bit of a surprise at the end. I like surprises. So I give it 3 stars. But not because Mad Scientist did. I would never do that.

Party Rocker: (running past)...or pouring plaster of paris into your sandwiches...

Mad Scientist: (also running past)...or putting your annoying sibling into a box... whoops, wrong book, wrong book review! Never mind, I'm gonna give it a go anyway.

Flower Power: When are we going to review Sleeping Beauty?

Striker: Never.

Flower Power: Then I'm going to sleep. Wake me up when my prince gets here.

So, Trophy Trap scores a respectable 3 stars! It might have scored even more if Party Rocker had managed to stop insulting the other experts and actually vote.

Party Rocker:(running past)  4 Stars. Party on!!!
So, Trophy Trap scores a champion 3 1/2 stars. It might have scored even more if Flower Power had managed to actually vote.
Flower Power: Snore.

Billionaire Boy by David Walliams

It's time for the panel of experts to do something useful (for once in their lives). The latest contestant in this tense competition where books are pitted against other books, and experts against other experts, is the hilarious Billionaire Boy by David Walliams. Joe Spud, the hero, is overweight and over rich. He has everything money can buy, except a friend. He decides to quit his posh expensive school and try his luck making friends at the local comprehensive school, where he pretends to be a 'normal' boy.

 

Mad Scientist: I give it 3 stars because it was good right up to the point when I stopped reading it. Then it stopped being good because I had stopped reading it.
Party Rocker: And it started being hilariously good, because I was reading it and I'm better than you.
Mad Scientist: That is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said. I bet you can't think of one thing you're better at than me!
Party Rocker: I'm better at annoying you.
Mad Scientist: That is the most sensible thing you have ever said.
Party Rocker: And swearing. You lingpoopy, dangly spangly, ploomfizzy huppletrut.
Mad Scientist: If you say another word...
Party Rocket: Puttock knunter, humbimer, and poob!
Mad Scientist: (running after Party Rocker) Why you little... 
Party Rocker: (running away from Mad Scientist) Blunkering smunghead...
Striker: Those are all swear words that David Walliams teaches us in Billionaire Boy. He kindly makes a list of all the swear words he knows so he can share them. I liked that. I also liked the list of ridiculously posh subjects Joe studied at his ridiculously posh school, the list of all the things Joe and his Dad did with £50 notes, and the list of names teachers should never have, such as Mya Bumreeks. But even better than all the lists, I liked imagining what it would be like to have a billion pounds and to have my very own football club.
So I give it 5 stars.
Flower Power: Me too! 5 stars.
Striker: You can't just give it 5 stars because I did. You need a reason.
Flower Power: I have a reason.
Striker: What reason?
Flower Power: I give it 5 stars because I like stars. Especially shiny, sparkly ones.
Party Rocker: (from the distance) Me too. 5 twuttering stars! This book was pumpuming hool!

This review is an all round success story. Billionaire Boy scores a smunty 5 stars. Mad Scientist keeps fit. So does Party Rocker. Flower Power learns some new words and Striker gets some ideas for his Christmas wish list. Everyone's happy!

Superburger by S. Alini

The panel of experts at BooksFC are getting restless! It could be because it never, ever stops raining, it could be because they're getting hungry, or it could be because they're just desperate for another book to review! So I think it's time to throw a juicy book to the panel, and this time it's Superburger, a rather tasty ebook by San Alini.

 

Superburger follows the slings and arrows of the outrageous fortunes of Isaac, who wants to eat the Superburger, his friend Tommy, who also wants to eat the Superburger, Isaac's sister, who wants to be President, and the Superburger, which tastes out of this world!

Mad Scientist:
A real book to review at last! With humour, convincing characters, and a sudden plot twist. Pinch me someone, I think I'm dreaming.
Party Rocker:
Sure.
Mad Scientist:
Oww! What did you do that for?
Party Rocker:
You said pinch me.
Mad Scientist:
Yeah, pinch, not punch me in the arm.
Party Rocker:
Sure.
Mad Scientist:
Oww! What did you do that for?
Party Rocker (edging away):
You said punch me in the arm.
Mad Scientist (chasing after him):
Why you little...
Striker:
I thought this book was yummy. It was so good I wanted to read it every night until we finished it. It was so good I also wanted to eat it. It was so good I even tried to eat it. That didn't work. It just made Mad Scientist's kindle slimy, and that just made Mad Scientist mad. I give it 5 stars.
Party Rocker (running past, chased by Mad Scientist):
I thought it was...
Flower Power:
Are going to McDonalds?
Party Rocker (still running past, still chased by Mad Scientist):
...a fun story with a dark edge and even a hidden moral...
Flower Power:
Are we nearly there yet?
Striker:
No. Because we're not going anywhere.
Flower Power:
Oh!
Party Rocker (still running past, still chased by Mad Scientist):
...also five stars...

So Superburger by San Alini scores a finger licking 5 stars!

Euro 2012 Sticker Book

I keep telling the panel of experts that this is supposed to be a blog that reviews books, but other things keep turning up. Not mentioning any names (Party Rocker), but friv.com? I mean, really.
So, back to the business of reviewing books. The latest contender to put themselves in front of the experts is...
...The Euro 2012 Sticker book!

Mad Scientist:

I am not reviewing a sticker book. Especially one about football. This is ridiculous. I quit.

Party Rocker:

Mad Scientist quits! Party, party par-tee!

Mad Scientist:

I've changed my mind. I'm not quitting.

Party Rocker:

Too late! You're out.

Mad Scientist:

No, I'm in. You can't stop me.

Party Rocker: (trying to stop Mad Scientist by sitting on him)

Out! Out! Out!

Mad Scientist: (trying to stop Party Rocker, also by sitting on him)

In! In! In!

Striker: (trying to get a word in edge ways):

This is the best book ever! I give it a million stars.

Mad Scientist:

Actually, it's not a book. It's a sticker album. And you can only give it a maximum of five stars.

Striker:

I don't care I love it. I take it to bed with me. I take it to school with me. I take it to the toilet with me. I update it obsessively. I cross reference it. I fill in all the details. I compare all the different stats for the players. It's really good for my numeracy even though I don't know it. And I don't want to lose it, ever. Or let anyone else even touch it.

Mad Scientist:

There's no chance.

Party Rocker:

Can I just point out that it is actually mine?

Striker:

No

Party Rocker:

And I like it too!

Striker:

Still no.

Flower Power:

Can I play?

Party Rocker:

We're not playing, we're doing a book review of the Euro 2012 sticker book/album.

Flower Power:

Oh!

Party Rocker:

Have you got anything to add to our review?

Flower Power:

No.

A review of the review: The Euro 2012 Football Sticker Album  scores a startling 1,000,000 stars! That must put it top of the table so far!

Mammoth Academy by Neal Layton

Next up for the panel to chew on and tear apart is... Mammoth Academy by Neal Layton.

Mammoth Academy follows the adventures of Woolly Mammoths Oscar and Arabella, who set off to Mammoth Academy for the first time, wide eyed, slightly nervous and completely innocent of the dangers of the human tribe.
Mammoth Academy is a hot favourite to do well with our panel of experts due to its winning combination of hairy humans, hairy animals, and hairy jokes.
Mad Scientist:

Mammoths did not go to school. Neal Layton needs to check his facts

Score: 3 stars
Party Rocker:

Mad Scientist needs to check his spots. This book is wild! Mammoth Academy is the best school ever. The students there invent a skateboard, study the mathematical problem of 1+1 and investigate what happens when you don't ever wash! That sounds like my kind of school. Party ugh!

Score: 4 stars
Mad Scientist:

Watch it, ugh breath.

Party Rocker:

Mammoth nose.

Mad Scientist:

Neanderthal brain.

Party Rocker (with Mad Scientist's hand over his mouth):

Argmmm

Mad Scientist (with Party Rocker's hand over his mouth):

Argmmm

Striker:

Well, I loved it! I didn't know what was going to happen next, if the humans were going to get the mammoths or the mammoths outwit the humans. More than anything, I loved the bit where fox went parp. Even though football hasn't been invented yet, I still give it full marks.

Score 5 stars
Flower Power:

Can we have Charlie and Lola instead?

Score: N/A
So overall, Mammoth Academy scores an average of 4 stars. What a mammoth hit!