It's time for the panel of experts to do something useful (for once in their lives). The latest contestant in this tense competition where books are pitted against other books, and experts against other experts, is the hilarious Billionaire Boy by David Walliams. Joe Spud, the hero, is overweight and over rich. He has everything money can buy, except a friend. He decides to quit his posh expensive school and try his luck making friends at the local comprehensive school, where he pretends to be a 'normal' boy.
Mad Scientist: I give it 3 stars because it was good right up to the point when I stopped reading it. Then it stopped being good because I had stopped reading it.
Party Rocker: And it started being hilariously good, because I was reading it and I'm better than you.
Mad Scientist: That is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said. I bet you can't think of one thing you're better at than me!
Party Rocker: I'm better at annoying you.
Mad Scientist: That is the most sensible thing you have ever said.
Party Rocker: And swearing. You lingpoopy, dangly spangly, ploomfizzy huppletrut.
Mad Scientist: If you say another word...
Party Rocket: Puttock knunter, humbimer, and poob!
Mad Scientist: (running after Party Rocker) Why you little...
Party Rocker: (running away from Mad Scientist) Blunkering smunghead...
Striker: Those are all swear words that David Walliams teaches us in Billionaire Boy. He kindly makes a list of all the swear words he knows so he can share them. I liked that. I also liked the list of ridiculously posh subjects Joe studied at his ridiculously posh school, the list of all the things Joe and his Dad did with £50 notes, and the list of names teachers should never have, such as Mya Bumreeks. But even better than all the lists, I liked imagining what it would be like to have a billion pounds and to have my very own football club.
So I give it 5 stars.
Flower Power: Me too! 5 stars.
Striker: You can't just give it 5 stars because I did. You need a reason.
Flower Power: I have a reason.
Striker: What reason?
Flower Power: I give it 5 stars because I like stars. Especially shiny, sparkly ones.
Party Rocker: (from the distance) Me too. 5 twuttering stars! This book was pumpuming hool!
This review is an all round success story. Billionaire Boy scores a smunty 5 stars. Mad Scientist keeps fit. So does Party Rocker. Flower Power learns some new words and Striker gets some ideas for his Christmas wish list. Everyone's happy!