Saturday, 17 August 2013

The Boy in the Dress by David Walliams

The experts at booksfc have a couple of rules. You need rules. They stop war, disaster and crumbs in the wrong places. But the experts don't like too many rules. So they have whittled them down to just these four fundamental rules.

Rule 1: All people have the right to release wind from their bottom in the place and at the time of their choosing.
Rule 2: Sharing is for girls.
Rule 3: Dresses are for girls.
Rule 4: Sharing dresses is for girls.

So, the next book up for review presented a bit of a problem for the experts. These were their reactions when they first heard the title: The Boy in the Dress.


Mad Scientist: It must be a mistake. It's supposed to be The Boy in the Desert and it's about a boy going on holiday when his plane crash lands in the desert.
Party Rocker: Or it could be The Boy in the Dresser and be about a boy who hides in a dresser, you know, one of those posh cupboards.
Striker: Or it could be The Boy and the Dress and be about a boy who rips up and ruins a dress.
Flower Power: Or it could be about a boy who wears a dress.
Mixed gasp of horror from co-panel.
Party Rocker shakes his head.
Striker looks confused.
Mad Scientist starts pacing up and down, frowning.
Striker picks up a copy of the book and sees a picture of a boy, wearing trousers, and playing football.
Striker: Actually it looks...
Party Rocker: (grabbing it from his hand)...sort of...
Mad Scientist: (grabbing it from Party Rocker's hand)...OK.
Flower Power: Oh.

And these were the reactions of the experts when they had finished reading the book.

Mad Scientist: What a sensitive, thoughtful, and amusing exploration of why some males wear dresses. It almost made it poetic, and brave, to wear a dress. I almost decided to wear one. I didn't because even my mum doesn't wear dresses, so there weren't any around. 5 stars.
Party Rocker: The dress was a sub plot. The real story are the discounts on offer in Raj's Shop. I couldn't wait to find out what the next special offer would be. Also 5 stars.
Striker: At first I was really sad because Dennis' Mum had left. I wanted to know why she had left. I wanted to know where she was. I wanted to know if she was coming back. I didn't think the book was funny. It just made me feel upset. But then Raj the shop owner made me smile, and then Dennis met Lisa, and it became funny, and daring and I loved it. I want to give it 5 stars. I think David Walliams is the best. I want to read all his books. But I don't want to wear a dress. That would just make me feel weird.
Flower Power: Can we go shopping?

So The Boy in the Dress is a sparkly, sequinned, shimmmering and dazzling 5 stars. What a result for David Walliams! What a result for Dennis and his dress! 

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Boy by Roald Dahl

The latest book presented to the panel of experts at Booksfc was Boy by Roald Dahl; and it was controversial.
 Front Cover
Was it going to be one of those books that are good for throwing at their co-panel of judges? Or was it going to be a book that is actually good for reading? There was a frenzied, violent and bloodthirsty discussion over whether to review the book. The following points were raised:

1. I don't want to read it because it was written a long time ago. (Striker)
2. 1984 is not that long ago. (Mad Scientist)
3. I wasn't born yet in 1984 so it is a long time ago. (Striker)
4. Apparently it's an autobiography so I do want to read it because its going to about cars, hopefully fast and furious ones. (Party Rocker)
5. Actually an autobiography is when you write your own life story. And Roald Dahl was a writer, not a racing driver. (Mad Scientist)
6. Then I'm outta here. (Party Rocker)
7. And the title is Boy. So it must be about his life as a boy. (Mad Scientist)
Long pause. Deep thought occurs.
8. Well, in that case, it might be alright...(Party Rocker)
(Striker nods)
(Flower Power frowns and wonders whether to become a feminist)

Party Rocker: I just want to point out that Mad Scientist was wrong. This book does include cars. In fact it includes a car crash! Even better, Roald Dahl is injured and has to get sewn back together. Rock on!
Striker: Even better, Roald Dahl gets paid for it.
Party Rocker: Even better, it's in a vintage car.
Striker: Even better, he didn't die.
Party Rocker: Yeah, it was the best bit of the book.
Mad Scientist: Actually the best bit was the sequel Going Solo. But I was quite interested in the family holidays in Norway, and the incident when a man smoked goat's poo.
Party Rocker: That can be arranged.
Mad Scientist: Actually I liked this book so much I've decided to write an autobiography too. I thought I'd call it Homo Sapiens Sapiens (wise, wise man). I think that describes me well.
Party Rocker: Or maybe Apeman? That also describes you well.
Mad Scientist: Even better, Great man. That also describes me well.
Party Rocker: We're off the point.
Flower Power: Was there a point?
So, even though no one bothers to vote, Boy, by Roald Dahl, is a foot down, full throttle success amongst the male experts, and Flower Power is writing her own autobiography, Girl.