Rule 1: All people have the right to release wind from their bottom in the place and at the time of their choosing.
Rule 2: Sharing is for girls.
Rule 3: Dresses are for girls.
Rule 4: Sharing dresses is for girls.
So, the next book up for review presented a bit of a problem for the experts. These were their reactions when they first heard the title: The Boy in the Dress.
Mad Scientist: It must be a mistake. It's supposed to be The Boy in the Desert and it's about a boy going on holiday when his plane crash lands in the desert.
Party Rocker: Or it could be The Boy in the Dresser and be about a boy who hides in a dresser, you know, one of those posh cupboards.
Striker: Or it could be The Boy and the Dress and be about a boy who rips up and ruins a dress.
Flower Power: Or it could be about a boy who wears a dress.
Mixed gasp of horror from co-panel.
Party Rocker shakes his head.
Striker looks confused.
Mad Scientist starts pacing up and down, frowning.Striker picks up a copy of the book and sees a picture of a boy, wearing trousers, and playing football.
Striker: Actually it looks...
Party Rocker: (grabbing it from his hand)...sort of...
Mad Scientist: (grabbing it from Party Rocker's hand)...OK.
Flower Power: Oh.
And these were the reactions of the experts when they had finished reading the book.
Mad Scientist: What a sensitive, thoughtful, and amusing exploration of why some males wear dresses. It almost made it poetic, and brave, to wear a dress. I almost decided to wear one. I didn't because even my mum doesn't wear dresses, so there weren't any around. 5 stars.
Party Rocker: The dress was a sub plot. The real story are the discounts on offer in Raj's Shop. I couldn't wait to find out what the next special offer would be. Also 5 stars.
Striker: At first I was really sad because Dennis' Mum had left. I wanted to know why she had left. I wanted to know where she was. I wanted to know if she was coming back. I didn't think the book was funny. It just made me feel upset. But then Raj the shop owner made me smile, and then Dennis met Lisa, and it became funny, and daring and I loved it. I want to give it 5 stars. I think David Walliams is the best. I want to read all his books. But I don't want to wear a dress. That would just make me feel weird.
Flower Power: Can we go shopping?
So The Boy in the Dress is a sparkly, sequinned, shimmmering and dazzling 5 stars. What a result for David Walliams! What a result for Dennis and his dress!